...So lets all say it together!

Man...took a few precious minutes out of my life to back track and see all of the old comments and journals I have made over the couple of years I have been on DA. I laughed. I cried. I came. So much stupid drama. I never realized how much of an insane BITCH I can be.

Well...

I have recently dropped out of college and am trying to bring my problems here in Pittsburgh to an end. Beside the money problems, it became pretty clear to me that because of how I have changed here(mentally and everything), I'm not really meant for this right now. This place is meant for kids who don't have to work and have mommy and daddy fitting the bill for everything so they can focus on school and don't have to be subjected to the vile cold of this city on a daily basis. I'm not exactly bashing those types (and there are plenty around here), but I am a little jealous of them.

Now what's going to happen is that I am going to move into the little basement at work and live there for awhile and try to figure some things out while I save all of the money I make. Some options are me going to California with my sister to get into a potentially better situation, military, or..stay here and get into a hella cheaper school. I have yet to decide. All I know now is that I need money.

I have also spoken to my father recently. We had a nice long conversation about what I've been doing. Although things have been terrible between us from the day I was born to only recently, I know I can trust him for a no bullshit and relatively educated opinion. He says that going to California with my sister would probably be best. I want my relationship with my family to improve (only those members who want it to) since it has been completely shredded. For that to happen, I have to be honest with them. Me being gay is a pretty big secret that I didn't want many of them to hear, but I do now. If anything good came from this city, it is that it has made me more honest.

So, to recap, out of school, hate the north, planning on next step, trying.

Wow..it has been awhile. I'm still here in Pittsburgh, but if all goes well, not for long. I am still trying my best to not go insane...very seriously. I am also trying my best to try and get back into the artistic spirit and I hope I will be successful.

Right now, my plans are to save up alot of money and transfer the hell out of Pittsburgh. Maybe to Chicago so i can keep in touch with my last family. As soon as i get some more things taken care of, I am really going to do it. Hopefully this new change of scenery will provoke a new mind set.... a better one. I also aim to get some more artwork done and finall become active on DA again.

I just remember how i was when i first got up here and I look at how i am now and I am greatly saddened. I don't know what exactly has happened to me or why, but I feel like a total stranger in my own skin and am scared. I just need to make sense of things...and finally see the doctor.

Everyone, stay well.

yeah I feel the same way about this city, but since school has started, my artistic spark was re-ignited and I've been doing alot of art. Because of which, I've been feeling better. I'm gonna try to get my roomate to go hang out with me sometime, but we'll see if that will work. I just hope I don't start talking about philosophical crap and start boring him..=/

My classes are nice and I passed everything last semester! Yay me! There are some expensive books I have to buy, though. Maybe buy..there are ways around this problem. I mean, I am NOT going to pay $80 for a goddamn speech book. No freaking way! Or another $60 for a comp lit. book! Greedy vultures!

Anyway...no school or work tomarrow, so if I'm not hanging out with somebody (I never am anyway), then I may just go down to the strip district and get some nicely priced sushi or something...maybe go clothes shopping (I need more).

Have a good day, yall.